Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
