Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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