just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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