So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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