So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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