i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
