Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
