I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
