Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
