it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
