Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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