Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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