hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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