It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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