Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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