I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
