My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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