im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would ride that face into the sunset
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
