Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
