totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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