i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
