oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
