those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
