Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
