Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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