dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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