If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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