I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
