my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
