I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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