just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
