Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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