She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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