wanna go halves on a baby?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
