dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
