sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's blow job season.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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