even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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