Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize