Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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