How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My ass is underappreciated
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
