They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So apparently I’m into choking now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
