I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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