3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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