you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
