u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
