Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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