I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
