Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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