I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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