she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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