Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
