It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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