he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
