woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
