i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
