I smell stomach acid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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