Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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