there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize