oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
