Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
