I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Are we still banned from the library?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize