there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
