He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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