Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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