Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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