those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
