Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
