She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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