After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think people are normalizing furries
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
