oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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