just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
that is very illegal...i love you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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