you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
