Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize