Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
