perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
