3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
