You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
