Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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