Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
