Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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