Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
