shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
pray to the hookup gods
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
