Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Drunk is not a location!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
