So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
