its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
