he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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