Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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