I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
