He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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