just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
