yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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