I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
