please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
