he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
