Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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