Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
