Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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