Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
